Reflection: Beyond Our Pain

AT Hike Southbound toward Springer

Guest written by Brad Bradley, AT Hike Volunteer

Many Appalachian Trail hikers decide to hike the trail under the influence of different circumstances. Some do it out of unhappiness with their job or relationship and others use the time as a way to find their inner self. Jacqui may have her own internal reasons for wanting to hike the trail, but her overall mission is clear; to push others beyond what they thought they could do. It is possible that some people see Jacqui’s vision as selfish in that she relies on other people to carry her from place to place. Those people do not know Jacqui.

I spent four days on the trail with Jacqui. This may seem like hardly enough time to know someone in and out, but because of our circumstances it was easier than expected. She is the bravest person I’ve ever met. Each step of our journey was one step away from a fall that could have been dangerous for her. She was completely reliant upon us to carry her from one point to another, and she did this with grace and trust.

Our group consisted of just five carriers. This included four Clemson University students (myself, Philip, Jimmy, and Lindsay). It also included a professor from our school by the name of Sean. We did not know each other by anything more than a few meetings prior to the trip. The number of carriers was not ideal. We carried all of our own gear and Jacqui’s gear in just four backpacks. A modified harness was used to carry Jacqui on our backs in ten minute intervals and we immediately carried one of the overstuffed backpacks whenever we weren’t carrying Jacqui. This meant no time off from large amounts of weight on our backs, something that most of us were not used to. We also had another volunteer, Hopper, who carried some of Jacqui’s gear and served as our expert trail guide. She knows more about the trail and has hiked more miles than I could ever imagine. She was an amazing and interesting person to learn about.

Personally, I knew one minute into my first ten minute carry that I was not ready for the physical challenges ahead of me. This may have been obvious to Jacqui, but she encouraged me the entire time. Her voice was soothing and helped to take focus away from the immense pain that my body was already enduring. We started at the beginning of the AT in Springer Mountain, GA. We “slackpacked” our first few miles up and back down Springer. This definitely made things a little easier. Once back down we readied our packs and made our way down the trail. The first day was not easy for me. Seeing the first campground was a relief, and I slept with ease.

Day two started with some help. A hiker by the name of Smooth volunteered as our first carrier of the day. We had several volunteers along the way and we gladly accepted any help we could get. The second day was more difficult for me than the first. After a few miles of hiking we “yellow blazed” or hitchhiked a couple miles down the trail in order to keep our hike on schedule. Honey and Bear, two hostel owners from Maine and friends of Hopper, had come down to assist us with our hike. They met us every day at a road crossing with food and a potential ride when we needed it, and on this day we did need it. They took us to the next road crossing and we hiked backwards a long mile to the next shelter. I was either very tired at this point or unable to track distance because this “mile” seemed more like two or three. A storm was rolling in and we felt rain droplets and electricity in the air. We had heard that hailstorms were possible. We set up camp in a secluded area typically unused by hikers. One of the AT ridge runners had shown us this spot as a courtesy to give us enough space since the shelter was full. We set up camp hurriedly as the storm approached. Around 9pm, the other three students and I were huddled under a rainfly playing cards. The rain began to pour down and we soon looked out to see dime sized hail scattering the ground. Lightning and thunder crackled around us. The rain was coming sideways and soaking our hammocks. It was a wet night, but the exhaustion of the day had caught up to me, and despite my fear of lightning, I woke up refreshed at 6:30am, glad to have slept through most of the storm.

By day three, my body was in pain from my shoulders to my toes. Most of us had begun to eat ibuprofen as if it were candy. I began doubting my ability to carry Jacqui, but as each 10 minute interval approached, I took my turn, as did everyone else. My leg muscles were on fire the entire day. I could feel muscles I’d never felt before. Even so, we kept going. Honey and Bear met us at a road crossing around lunch time. We ate and then had our first “foot check”. Not all of us had escaped without minor foot injuries. Mine included a split right middle toe, which was superglued on the spot, and an ominous blood blister on my right heel that would continue to grow. The foot pains had previously been masked by my leg pain, but now that I was aware of them it was much more difficult to ignore. Each step elicited sharp pains from my right foot. Luckily, Honey and Bear were there to help us yellow blaze past some of the more difficult mountains. After climbing another small mountain, we made our way comfortably into camp that evening.

Most of us woke up the next morning with the relief of knowing that we were halfway done with our week long hike. We didn’t know that this would be our last day on the trail, nor did we ask for it to be. We hiked a few miles that chilly morning. Along the way we took some photos at a few scenic spots atop a mountain. Our last mile or two was coming down a mountain with many switchbacks. An older man in front of us with a different group had fallen while experiencing vertigo. He was slowly being helped down. It was the only time that our group passed anyone on the trail. Typically, we were much slower than solo hikers or other groups. Because of the steepness and narrowness of this descent, our 10 minute carries often exceeded 13 to 15 minutes until we could find flat ground to switch carriers. Two or three minutes extra was much more difficult than one would expect. My legs were shaking by time we were halfway down. I was fearful that if I put too much weight on either one of my legs that it would give out under the pressure. Still, we made it down. Honey and Bear met us once more. I ate what they had to offer and sat on the ground, totally exhausted. Sean, Jacqui, and Hopper discussed what to do next. Clearly, most of us were in pain, and fear of further injury was apparent. Our water was low and the next source was too far away. We reluctantly decided to end our hike here. This was associated with some relief as well. Personally, I was not sure how much further my body would go. I had gone beyond my limits on the first day, and by day four it had more than caught up with me.

On reflection of our trip, I have decided to term it a successful failure, in that we did not hike the distance or days that we had hoped but that we had done more than many people thought we were capable of doing. I lean heavily toward the “success” half of that term. I am proud of what we accomplished. We persevered through each day despite our pain, and beyond that pain we found friendship and commonality among ourselves, despite age differences, background, or ability. I found that my personal limits were only defined by my own self-doubt, and I have peace knowing that I’ve overcome it.

Thank you, Jacqui, for letting me carry you.

I hope that many others will come along to do the same.

It’s All About the Journey: Travels with Dr. J. and Saint

Katahdin Expedition

I wanted to start our blogging by talking about the Journey to the Appalachian Trail. The Journey really began decades ago. As a young college student, I could still walk some. As a freshman, I walked on the trail a little bit. I told myself that I would go back “some day.” But a lot of life happened along the way. The physical challenges mounted. I didn’t pine for the Appalachian Trail. I pushed it into my subconscious and didn’t think about it at all. At least that’s what I thought. But it was always just below the surface, mostly focused on the northern end of the AT: Katahdin. But how could someone who couldn’t walk hike or climb? It was impossible, a waste of time and energy to think on. I loved teaching, my life was full and fulfilled, and I was happy and content.

Then in October 2012 I experienced a catastrophic bleed that nearly killed me. No one thought I would survive. I lost so much blood that I lost my ability to move or to speak. It was much harder to relearn how to speak than how to move. During the long rehab process, I had plenty of time to think. I had been given a rare gift: a second chance at life. Teaching alone was no longer enough. I had to pay it forward and backward. I was so extraordinarily lucky—I needed to share that luck, that gift. But how?

Part of my luck is that I get a lot of ideas. Some are fleeting. Others come, stay, and won’t let go until I act on them. I’ve become comfortable with this. I work with lots of students who struggle to communicate. They have lots of self-doubt. I was always telling them that nothing was impossible, that they can do anything that they set their minds to. But saying this was one thing. Now it was time to show it. That was the genesis of our starting the nonprofit BEYOND LIMITS: Awaken Your Potential. It’s an organization that believes that Challenge is an Opportunity to be Amazing, that it’s all about the Journey, that Nothing is Impossible, and that We’re Better Together.

In 2015 a group of us did what many said was impossible: a team including me (a person with paraplegia) summited Katahdin. It was a fantastic, transformational experience for everyone involved. People carried me physically. But in truth, we all carried one another and supported one another. This had such a profound impact that we knew that we needed to do something that could involve more people. And thus the BEYOND LIMITS Appalachian Trail Adventure was born.

We started planning in earnest in October 2015. It takes time for anyone to pull something of this magnitude together. And Saint and I had additional special needs and considerations. We were going to need to recruit teams along the way—to whom should we open this up and how? What should the criteria be? How should we select people? What was the “Right Stuff”? We needed people who were in adequate shape and health. Yet the most important attributes were mental. It took a while to compile position descriptions. We asked the group members who were involved in the Katahdin climb what they thought. They talked a lot about the need to be humble, open-minded, team oriented, have an even temperament and the posture of a learner, be eager to take part in something greater than oneself. When we were recruiting for Katahdin, Mike Smith said that people should want to participate even if no one would ever know that they in particular had done so. To a degree, people self-select. Largely, only the right type of person will want to become involved. This is no path to personal glory.

When we did Katahdin, we had rented a hiking wheelchair and Al Levesque modified/created a carrier. We never used the wheelchair: the ground was too difficult. The carrier worked fairly well but could have definitely used some improvements. The Sherpas were challenged to make it comfortable for them. My pelvis was badly bruised by the third day from the metal plate on the carrying harness into which the seat slid. So Al went back to the drawing board. Originally we thought that we would have help from other institutions. But that didn’t materialize. So Al designed and fabricated everything himself. He planned out his prototypes. He fashioned an improved carrier—dubbed the “Jac Pack”—and a special hiking wheelchair.

His hiking wheelchair is unlike anything on the market—it has independent wheel suspension, a shock absorber, brakes. The carrier far surpasses anything out there. And he built these in his woodworking shop, using what tools he had available—not at all the precision tools one would hope for. Then after he had the prototypes fashioned, he was open to feedback from my hiking partner, Hopper. He made a lot of adjustments to the carrier. He made it so that the seat for the carrier could also be the seat for the wheelchair. He made the wheelchair so that it could be broken down into 11 pieces so that it could be carried by multiple people hanging it onto their packs. We have learned so much through this development process.

The hike is about ability, not disability. It is about the triumph of the spirit and what’s possible when people come together. It will fulfill so many aspects. A huge piece is to make it possible for people who have been told “can’t” to get out and be able to do things. People don’t have to hike the Appalachian Trail—either thru hike or section hike. Even an hour outside in a place that they never dreamed they’d be able to go is a victory. The equipment will also be very useful for search and rescue operations: everything from someone being injured on a hike to people needing to be evacuated from some sort of disaster.

We spent a lot of time on logistics. We knew that however much time we spent, it would all be subject to great chance. But for our own sakes as well as others, we had to demonstrate that this would be feasible. We came up with lots of scenarios, lots of gear options, lots of combinations. My students helped so much. They worked on aspects of this for class projects and on their own.

We reached out to lots of colleges and universities. I spent the summer of 2016 researching colleges and universities with academic recreation programs or active outing clubs. I sent out hundreds of emails. But many people are away in the summer: I got few responses. My students took a crack at it in the fall. They also had mixed success. It was hard and discouraging for them. They did an awesome job and truly stretched beyond their comfort zones. But it’s hard to market an idea. BEYOND LIMITS and the Appalachian Trail Adventure are much more about ideas than an actual hike. The hike is the hard thing that pulls people together. It’s not about gratifying someone with paraplegia. But that can be hard to explain.

The idea had been with me for so long, however. And it just would not let go. So although we had only a few teams lined up as D-Day approached, we were determined to embark and make it work by being flexible and open. We didn’t really realize that the drive south itself would be an adventure. But as Dad used to say, “With you, Jac, EVERYTHING is an adventure.” We’ll share that story in the next installment of our blog.

Our First Week

Hi, guys! It’s Saint again. Boy, a lot has happened since I last talked to you all! First of all, I’m not in Northern Maine anymore. As a matter of fact, Mummy and I are very far away. Can you guess where we are? Well, if you’ve been following us, then you’ve probably guessed it. We’re on the Appalachian Trail!
We’ve only just started, but I’m already having a great time. The ride down was really long. Mummy drove the whole way! But, luckily, we made a couple of stops along the way. We set out on Mummy’s birthday, and she wanted to see her sister for her birthday. So, we stopped at my aunt’s house in Connecticut. It was really nice to see our family!
We only stayed with Mummy’s sister for a little bit. We had a long drive ahead of us! But we made it to Georgia safely. We travelled through so many states. Who knew Maine was so far north?
Guess what, guys? I’ve finally seen it. I’ve finally seen the Appalachian Trail! It’s so amazing. I’ve walked on it all week. I’m a little tired, but I can’t wait to get back on it! Mummy and I are taking a bit of a break right now, but we are hoping to be back out soon.
Well, I think that’s it for now, guys. It’s been a great first week. I think Mummy’s going to start blogging soon. So, we’re both going to have blogs now! I can’t wait. And I can’t wait to tell you guys more about our adventure. Bye for now!

Trip to the Vet!

Hey guys. Saint here. I don’t know why other animals don’t like the vet. I love the vet! I know as soon as we get there because I can smell all the different kinds of animals. My nose is good with stuff like that. The first thing I love to do is sniff the rugs that are in the entry way. That has all the smells of all the animals who have walked over it. I can even smell the people the animals bring with them to the vet. That’s my favorite rug. Well, that one and the one we go to when Mummy picks up her medicine. That is also a very good smelling rug.

But back to the vet. I go to Dr. Hotham. He is really nice, and so are the people who work with him. The first thing I do when I get there is step on the scale. That is supposed to tell them how much I weigh. I don’t know why though. I work out every morning, so I know I look good. But it makes them happy, and that’s all that matters. Then we get to go in another room that also has many scents in it. That’s when I get rubbed and patted by the people who work with Dr. Hotham. It feels so good. My tail wags the entire time.

Sometimes I have to get shots, though. But you know what? That doesn’t bother me! You want to know why? Because after I get the shots, I get treats! Lots and lots of treats. That’s my absolute favorite part about going to the vet. I love that even more then sniffing that amazing rug.

When we were there last, I noticed Mummy’s emotion changed. I’m good at noticing when emotions change. Mummy went from happy to worried, and I didn’t know why. I mean, I was right there, Mummy had nothing to worry about. I did hear something about Platelets. Now, I don’t know what that means, but Mummy said we would have come back in a week. That means more treats and rubs and sniffs on that rug for me, but Mummy was unhappy. When we went back, Mummy was still worried. I didn’t know how to help her. I tried, but nothing seemed to help. Then Dr. Hotham came in and he made it all better. I’ll have to thank him for that next time I see him. Then, when we were leaving, I got more treats. It was a good day. Mummy was feeling better, and everyone fed me.

Mummy says that we are all set for the hike. She was worried that I wouldn’t have been able go. But once Dr. Hotham gave the OK, the plans were still on. I still don’t know what this hike is going to be about, but if Mummy is there and she has my carrots, I think it will be all right!

Don’t Say Can’t

 Last fall, Dr. J and Saint caught the attention of the Appalachian Long Hikers Association (ALDHA) when she spoke at the association’s annual gathering in Williamstown, Mass. last fall.

While in the midst of hundreds of A.T. hikers, she used the opportunity to spread her message and was quoted saying, “We’re doing this to bring a message of hope to so many.  The CAN’T that holds us back is not the physical but the voice inside our heads.  We want people to try – and be amazing.  People will be changed forever.” Continue reading “Don’t Say Can’t”

Today, Tomorrow & Yesterday

Hi everyone! Saint here. Did you know that that the holidays are here? I just love this time of year. Everyone is always so nice and thoughtful. Mummy buys presents for her family and for me and she always brings in food to her students. I don’t eat any of that of course, but it sure does smell yummy.

This year, Mummy and I are going to go visit my Aunt Sha and spend some time with her over the holiday. It will be nice to go see her again. Mummy also has some important errands to run. She says we have to go get her chair fitted for a special device so she can lock it in to drive with. Her old chair had this, but her brand-new one didn’t come with one, so we are going to fix it. And we will be going to see her doctor at Massachusetts General Hospital. We see him a couple of times a year. He is always really nice to Mummy, so I like him a lot.

Wow, can you believe everything that we have done this year? Mummy and I have been really busy. We have made a lot of trips to new places and have met so many nice people. If you are one of them, Mummy says, “Hi!”

Me and my friend (and Mummy’s student), Kelly.

Mummy’s students have been extra busy too. They have been writing and making phone calls to people and helping to plan for our big hike. Mummy sure has some great students. They are like our family and we love and appreciate every single one of them. Without their help, we might not have been able to have gotten so much accomplished.

Over the holiday break though, all of the students–and Mummy and I too–will be away from school and taking some time to relax and rest up from the busy semester. I think I will take a break from blogging too. I want to spend some extra time on Mummy’s lap. She’s the very best snuggler ever!

I hope that while we are away you take the time to spend with your loved ones. Family is important and the holidays are a special time of year. May you all be blessed with good fortune and love.

Don’t worry though. After the first of the year, I’ll be back and in full production. Mummy says that 2017 is going to be momentous. I think that means really big. I know it is going to be really busy too. We have a LOT to do. Our hike will only be three months away and it will be here before we know it.

I hope you come back and join us to see where our adventure takes us. Until then, we wish you happiness, peace and love.

From Mummy’s and my house and heart to yours, Happy Holidays!

Until next year…. Take care & Be well.
Love,  Saint